3 Tips For Finding Love Online (Or: 3 Tips For Attracting Awesome Friends)

I found my husband the same way he found this ridiculous hat: during a sad, lonely, Saturday night Internet search.

I have never dated an a**hole in my entire life. Never. Not even once.

This should impress you, especially since in my 20′s alone (I didn’t date in my teens), I enjoyed 3 wonderful boyfriends, 1 summer fling, and 1 very handsome priest. (For the record, he was barely out of seminary.) I also dated 4 really nice guys who I met on Match.com, one of whom ended up becoming my husband! Yay!

Clearly, I’m an expert at attracting non-a**holes into my life. So today I’m going to teach you how to craft the perfect profile for an online dating website — one that will be a magnet for those who are just as awesome as you are.

(Dear married, unavailable, and “single-and-loving-it” people: Today’s post is really about how to draw positive people into your life in general.  So keep reading!)

Whether you’re typing up your online profile for a dating website, or simply getting ready to meet new people at a party, follow these guidelines:

1. Don’t try to be interesting or impressive.

We all want people to be utterly amazed upon meeting us. But if we examine this desire a bit deeper, we see that what we really want is to be loved and accepted for who we are. So don’t get caught up in trying to highlight your best side all the time. Instead, present yourself in an honest and authentic way– imperfections and all. Whoever is drawn to that is good for you. Whoever walks away probably wasn’t your type anyway.

So how does this translate into your online profile? For starters, don’t toot your own horn by listing your highest accomplishments or coolest hobbies. Instead, communicate what kind of person you are and what you value.  You can do this by listing your favorite things (your most beloved books, films, and musicians say a lot about you), and by describing your personal goals for the future.  People who share your values are your best match.

2. Don’t post your best photo. (Or: Stop trying to look hot all the time.)

Please…never, ever, EVER upload a Match.com profile photo in which you’re seductively gazing into the camera, not smiling, and showing off your biceps or cleavage. It screams self-involved arrogant douche bag. Trust me, you won’t look hot — you’ll look like you’re trying too hard to look cool. But worst of all, you’ll end up attracting — you guessed it–  self-involved arrogant douche bags. Why? Because those are the only people (aside from your grandma), who would actually be impressed by those lame self portraits you posed for.

Offline, if you walk into a room trying hard to come off like you’re hot stuff, you will attract people who are arrogant. While everyone else is avoiding you, arrogant people will sense you are a kindred spirit and will be drawn in. Or they’ll feel threatened and thus hang around you in order to size up the competition. See how that works?

Instead, always present yourself in a way that is in line with your personality and values. You’ll soon be surrounded by like-minded folks who are drawn to you because, after taking their cues from your appearance, words and actions, feel that you are “their kind of people”.

3. Be who you are looking for.

Want to know how my Match.com profile attracted my husband Brian to me? Because it had a goofy Top 10 Things To Know About Me list, and at the top was “I am deathly afraid of zombies.”

I was looking for a goofy and geeky person to date, so I told jokes about the undead..and BAM!, the comedians and geeks flocked to me. So did some super nice musicians (because I wrote that I was a terribly mediocre singer-songwriter).

We attract what we put out into the world. When you’re nutty, mean, desperate, or unstable, similar people respond to your energy. But when you project positivity, that’s what you get in return — in your relationships, in your pursuits, and in your life.

Your Turn: Have you ever drawn certain kinds of people to you based on the energy you put out? How did you find all the positive people in your life?

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6 Responses to 3 Tips For Finding Love Online (Or: 3 Tips For Attracting Awesome Friends)

  1. Adriane says:

    I love this one! I learned you have to be careful when identifying yourself as a psychotherapist lol. And I also learned it’s worth getting to know someone well before ruling them out. Ironically, the one I initially told I didn’t see a connection with (but would be friends with) is the one I’m totally into now :)

    • Kimberly Eclipse says:

      Haha, yes…I hear this from coworkers all the time. Apparently, psychotherapy is not sexy. But most of the time I think people just hope we’re not analyzing them. Little do they know that everyone is capable of analyzing them…we’re just better at it. Lol. ;)

      And you’re right about the value of getting to know someone before ruling them out. Among my Match.com prospects, my hubby was someone I put in the “just friends” category. You just never know! Good luck with your search. Sounds like you’re having fun!

  2. Grace says:

    You hit the nail on the head when you said what we really need and want is for people to accept us for who we are. In my case: zombie-fearing, potty-mouthed, and cranky-when-hungry. The positive people in my life (past & present) are typically honest from the get go and are sincere in their efforts to get to know me.

    HOWEVER, a$$holes can also be attracted to the positive energy you put out there, at least for a short while, until you get wise to the fact that their energy is not syncing with yours and you cut those energy suckers out of your life.

    • Kimberly Eclipse says:

      True, a$$holes can target all types of prey — sadly, even the good eggs. But the good eggs always have the ball (and balls) in their court — they can cut ties as soon as their a$$hole detector goes off. This can be hard (because, let’s face it, sometimes a$$holes are magnetic in a strange way), but cutting them loose is the only to make room in your life for deeper love and acceptance.

  3. You Know Me says:

    The song “You’re So Vain” by Carly Simon comes to mind. Other than that my dear…my dating days are over.

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