Undercover Psychic Lover

My psychic was the real deal - I've got it all on tape.

You’re not supposed to like psychics. They are all frauds solely interested in conning you out of 20 bucks (or sometimes 200 bucks). They dress like gypsies, use crystal balls, and have hairy moles. They hear a little sound coming from the bottom of your chair and say insightful things like, “I sense that you struggle with gas.”


But not all psychic mediums are created equal. And if you admitted in public that you believe some of them have a legitimate gift that they’re committed to using for the good of others, your friends would laugh at how gullible you are, and your religious parents would throw holy water at you. Which is why for many years I was an undercover psychic lover.


Not Your Mama’s Psychic

My psychic of choice throughout my 20′s was a woman named Barbara. She was nothing like what you’d expect; she vibed like your favorite aunt, invited clients into her small but fabulous Manhattan apartment, and looked like a hot blond soccer mom.

Barbara considered herself a channel, receiving messages directly from angels and spirit guides. She also connected with my deceased loved ones, recounting specific details about their deaths, their personalities, and the dynamics of their relationship with me. Barbara was also able to report insanely accurate details about my life and the lives of my loved ones without me having to provide her with a single bit of information that might give anything away. She was the real deal.

But what I liked best was that I felt that she cared. She didn’t want me to continue negative or harmful patterns of thinking and living, and her goal was to encourage others to face challenges and fears that must be met in order to improve their quality of life.

Barbara encouraged me to bring a blank cassette tape to each session so that she could record them for me. This allowed me to review what she had said in case I forgot anything, while also providing me with a record of her predictions for when/ if they came true.


Her Predictions

Here are a few things that had me thinking “Oh crap, how’d she know?!”:

  • You need to work on and cultivate your voice. Do not be afraid to speak your truth. If someone were beating someone up you’d probably yell like crazy. But then when somebody has abused you you don’t say anything. You have a lot of self-doubt and insecurity but know that you are very much protected.
  • Your friend “Matt” does not have long to live. How do you know this guy??? Be careful with him because he’s got a whole fantasy centered around you.
  • In your counseling practice you may be dealing with death or people who are dying.
  • Archangel Raphael is around you. He is involved in all manners of healing. In this lifetime you’re here to heal, uplift, and serve.
  • Even when you’re out of school you’re going to want to keep evolving and growing. You get bored if you’re not evolving.
  • Babies want to come to you because you’re so good with kids and you’ll be a good mommy.
  • Regarding my husband: He’s got a great sense of humor. He’s such a goofball guy. There’s a childlike creative energy in him, which is great for you because you wanted a playmate. You really are his best friend. He’s not that big strong alpha male – but you don’t want a big strong alpha male.
  • Regarding my father-in-law: You clicked with this guy. You really liked him and he liked you too. The feeling is if he weren’t old and married he’d go for you, so he’s glad that his son has found you. (Ha!)

My grandmother and Brian’s grandmother “came through” during sessions and they had a lot of opinions to share. (Yup, they’re just as feisty as they were when they were alive.)


So What?

This all sounds very impressive. (Or creepy. Or sacrilegious. Or lame.) But so what if Barbara knew all of this about my past, my desires, my family, and my weaknesses? What’s the point of paying a stranger to tell you things that you already know in your heart to be true? What’s the appeal of seeing a psychic aside from it being kinda fun?

We want guidance. We want answers. We want confirmation. We want peace of mind. We want to know that there is more to life and to our personal destinies than the anxiety we experience in the present. We want the invisible world to bring us comfort and hope, not fear.


The Problem

In 2004 Barbara felt that my then-boyfriend/ love of my life/ center of my universe would pull away. Months later, he did just that… and headed right into the arms of someone else. I didn’t see it coming despite the fact that Barbara had predicted it, and as some of you already know, it’s sudden loss in particular that effs up your head the most. Losing someone you love (through death, divorce, or otherwise) is hands-down the most awful and life-altering experience in the world. So I sought comfort in my friends, my faith, my therapist, and of course, my psychic.

During my depression, I obsessively played the cassette tape of a session I had with Barbara in which she talked about why my ex had left me and what the future held.  I waited for her predictions to come true rather than make my own decisions. Instead of moving on with my life, I listened to the tape– it seemed like the only connection I had left to the person I loved and lost. After listening to it twice a day for a few weeks, I had it memorized.

But God (or The Universe, or angels, or my panda spirit guide, or whatever works for you) had a different plan for me. One day the tape came flying out of my car’s cassette player with the reel of tape tangled in a mess that was beyond repair. No longer able to rely on an external object for comfort, I was left to do the hard work of building my strength and resilience from the inside out.


Final Thoughts

What may start out as fun, casual, and a one-time-only activity can easily turn into a crutch once you’re in a desperate enough situation. And here we see the danger of relying on a psychic (or a boyfriend, or a parent, or anyone for that matter): there are people in this world who are here to support and love you, but no one is here to hold you up. You’ve got to be able to do that for yourself.

What are your thoughts on, or experiences with, psychic mediums?

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9 Responses to Undercover Psychic Lover

  1. Megan Gironda says:

    Actually, I’ve been able to predict my past 3 ex’s marriages! I would see them with one of our friends or someone they know and would think….they will get married to them. I tried to ignore it, but then they either cheated or it didn’t work out and sure enough, they married the girl I chose! I learned however, that I could have probably stopped that from happening and will take control now of my destiny. Tony is mine! Hehe. As for going to a psychic, I never did because my family is very religious and considers it sinful. However, I may try it in the future. It is impressive you find someone that is accurate.

    • Kimberly Eclipse says:

      That’s quite a gift you have – I have lots of unmarried friends who’d probably like to consult with you. ;)

      As for seeing a psychic being sinful…like I said in the post, it can be a dangerous slippery slope. But from situation to situation, motivations and results are different. I like to look at things on a case-by-case basis. You wanna hear something interesting, though? Barbara has a regular client who is a priest! Oh snap!

      PS. Yes, girl…claim your Tony, lol!

  2. Holy Holy Water Batman!
    Where do I start. How about with a confession. Your mother-in-law claims to have the gift – not so strong to go into the business but enough to believe. The thing is, the universe is an amazing thing. The energy that holds it together connects us all. Now, as for the idea that a younger version of myself might have fallen for you…it is possible that it is the “girl with guitar thing” we’ve touched on in the past. And yes, I am glad my son found you (in all of this vast universe). And I’m glad for you that your former “significant other” was such a piglet in spite of the psychic anguish it caused you. With all of that, the hard work of living out our non-predestined destinies continues unabated. Oh, and as Sally Field said (a bit of paraphrasing here) “She likes me! She really likes me!” Mutual dear DIL. Psychically mutual.

    • Kimberly Eclipse says:

      I didn’t know that about Mom! That’s funny.

      Yes, the “girl with a guitar” thing casts a very powerful spell on men, I’ve noticed. Forget lingerie and a set of nice boobs — it’s all about a 6-string and a nice set of pipes. Okay, maybe that’s a stretch…

      By the way, my psychic also had this to say about you: The man needs to write a book!

  3. Sheryl says:

    First: this post made me laugh so hard because my mom is/thinks she is a psychic. As in, she reads people’s tarot cards and gets paid to do so (her weekend side-gig). Also, confession: I have taken crystal ball classes and read cards myself … though I can’t entirely convince myself to either believe or disbelieve.

    This actually reminds me a lot of a paper I wrote in university about free will. Essentially: it doesn’t mater if we have free will or not, because we have to behave as if we do. Psychics become very murky territory for me, because I think it’s far too easy to begin using them as a crutch, as you point out.

    I genuinely think that psychics, though unintentionally, can end up forgetting that they have power over their own life. When you’re waiting for what the psychic said to come true it’s too easy to stop believing in your own power to change your life and the world. Plus, psychics have a tendency to tell us what an end result will be, rather than let us focus on the journey. And the journey’s the fun part.

    Also, completely off topic, but I remember you mentioning you were looking for some veggie dishes, and I have a curried lentil dish I put up on my blog the other day for a friend who was recently told to go on a vegan diet. You may or may like, but I figured I’d let you know.

    • Kimberly Eclipse says:

      Lol! I think there are probably many undercover psychic lovers out there, ashamed to admit that they too have taken crystal ball lessons. ;) I tried my hand at doing angel card readings because I really liked the idea of prayerful discernment and humility as opposed to “magic” or an inflated ego. Actually, a few years ago I went on Craigslist looking for volunteers who wanted me to give them a cold angel card reading. The cool part was that they reported the readings were VERY accurate. In fact, one of them continued to e-mail me long after the reading, just giving me updates on how she was doing while I tried to be as supportive as possible. I also did angel card readings for friends who were also surprised by the accuracy. In the end I gave it all up because I just wasn’t sure what kind of “power” I was tapping into (good, evil, my own ego, etc.), and instead opted for doing therapy – a healing tool that’s effective and accepts insurance, lol.

      About psychics giving you the end result instead of guiding you on your journey — I think that’s a great way to differentiate between an average psychic versus a great one. To me it’s not just about accuracy – it’s about real support, inspiration, and healing. It makes me wonder if psychics are like any other healer (therapists, doctors, etc.) in that over time they sharpen their skills and get better at helping people. I remember when I broke down in tears in front of my psychic right after my traumatic break-up…and as soon as that happened she switched from talking about things that would help me in my journey to stating predictions about the future: “You’re going to meet someone new soon and end up marrying him. And it looks like you’re going to have 3 children.” It’s almost like she panicked when I broke down and used her ability in a way that was motivated out of fear and discomfort about the situation rather than wisdom.

      I’ll check out the recipe! Still haven’t tried the other one you recommended but I did try a butternut squash/ cheddar cheese baked macaroni dish that my husband, brother, and dad all liked. :)

      …Talk about a long-winded comment. Did I just write a whole other post??

      • Sheryl says:

        Ok that butternut squash/cheese/macaroni thing … can I have the recipe? Those are all very powerful ingredients here at our place and that sounds amazing.

        I think in that right time and place, and with the medium in the right headspace, psychics can be very much like healers. I know my mother, at least, comes at it from a very natural-Native-Canadian type way, and tries to be very in touch with shamanic teachings. Then you consider that shamans are powerful healers and spiritual advisors (in my understanding, at least) of their communities, these traditions do come from a place of healing. Even further to that, from a more European tradition a lot of these skills were passed down from traditions of wise women and herbalists – also all healers. So I’d say that there is a real argument to say that psychics can be healers and come from a place of healing.

        Particularly, actually, when you think of it in the field of mental health and support from a spiritual perspective it makes sense. I’m thinking of a comparison between priests as therapists for their congregations and shamans taking care of their communities, or European women going to the village wise woman for advice as much as poultices and potions … the roots have a definite similarity.

        I think the difference with psychics though is it’s such a loose term: all anyone has to do is say “I’m psychic” and convince people to listen to make that happen (whereas the ministry and therapists have quite a bit of schooling to get there). It’s much harder to be a fraudulent doctor than a fraud psychic. In some ways it’s almost more dangerous: it’s up, completely, to the person seeking help to vet their psychic and it’s much easier to be drawn in by someone who isn’t what they appear.

        • Kimberly Eclipse says:

          I love the healing traditions of other cultures that are passed from wise elders in a community, whether physical, emotional or spiritual. In contrast there is so much distrust these days, although I suppose its for good reason: fraud, updated info because of science and technology that challenges the effectiveness of certain healing methods, a lack of community in general (and a dismissal of the value of elders), the emphasis on self-reliance especially in American culture. It’s really sad because there are so many ppl who would benefit from compassionate and genuine healers of all kinds. I am certainly an advocate for researching options and practitioners, but when an entire group has developed a negative stigma everyone loses.

          As for the butternut recipe, I just made it up myself. I am a terrible cook but somehow this one worked: I boiled a bag of diced butternut squash, drained it, mashed it up with shredded cheddar cheese, butter, salt and pepper while still hot. Mixed it into half a ooked macaroni. Put the mixture into a casserole dish with some breadcrumbs on top, and baked it for maybe 15 min.

          • Sheryl says:

            The distrust and lack of community are big elements there, I think. As much as I love how multi-cultural North America can be, I sometimes wonder if it’s at the loss of a cohesive community in a lot of cases, or at least the sort of community that has those traditions. It’s harder to hold on to when you aren’t immersed in it.

            I’m definitely going to have to try that recipe out. One of the current favourites in my house is a butternut squash pasta recipe so I know the flavours and textures work. But you’ve added CHEESE and that’s even better. Thanks!

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