Why Farts Make Us Kind And Brave

People asked me why I didn't take "normal" tourist pictures like everyone else did when they visited San Francisco for the first time. My reason: You never know what kind of photo you'll need for your blog.

I was 17 years old when it happened.

Fast asleep in my twin bed, I was awakened by a faint but persistent noise in the distance. I tried closing my eyes and sleeping through it, but the low vibrating sound simply would not go away.

Was there construction going on outside? Was my mom using the blender? Just what was this sound that dared to intrude upon my teenage 10-hour marathon slumber?

At this point my body was positioned the same way it usually is when I wake up in the morning– kind of like I’m in a hospital bed giving birth to a baby, laying flat on my back with my knees bent and the bottoms of my feet planted on the mattress.

In frustration with the unrelenting sound, I put my legs down. And what do ya know, the sound stopped.

And that’s when it hit me: I had been letting out a long continuous 5-minute fart. My ass was an alarm clock going off, and all I had to do to hit the snooze button was put my legs down.

It was a strange but entertaining story, so I told the 2 little girls I was babysitting back then about it. They agreed that it was a good one. And when I returned to their house the next weekend to babysit, they told me that that their parents thoroughly enjoyed the story too. (What?! Oh noooo!!!)

People love when you tell funny fart stories. Here’s why:

  • The punchline is never so complex, vague, or high-brow that it goes over people’s heads.
  • The punchline is never mean. It doesn’t demean anyone, find joy in their flaws and misfortunes, or rely on the sharp sting of sarcasm. Fart jokes are innocent and pure.
  • Fart humor is inclusive and inviting. It doesn’t discriminate. It is for everyone no matter your age, race, status, or sexual orientation. Everyone can relate to an embarrassing fart story (because everyone has 2-4 of their own).
  • The fart story teller has confirmed that he is human. He can laugh at his flaws. He is unsuccessfully trying to get through life without acquiring any new stories to add to his Most Embarrassing Moments list, just like we all are. He makes us feel like we’re fine just the way we are.

Farts give us opportunities to be brave and kind. When we share our fart stories with others we seek to bring them joy and laughter, but we do so by poking fun at our own ugly (sometimes stinky ) humanity, not criticizing others for theirs.

I now invite you to share your best fart story in the comments below. Please, please, please do not make me be the only person who publicly shared a fart story today! :)


(Note: When you leave a comment you’ll be asked to provide your name. You don’t have to give your real one if you don’t want to!)


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20 Responses to Why Farts Make Us Kind And Brave

  1. Pingback: Yes, Even YOU Can Travel The World | a brave life

  2. Timothy says:

    Wow…this topic is a litle bit much for me…sorry guys u all win…Im keeping my fart stories to myself!!!

  3. Eww! I hope not. One actually works hard on the discernment process so that future relationships with loved ones are not about daily poop cleanup. Point is, “letting one rip” carries all sorts of personal embarrassment possibilities at any age, with wetness only being one of them. But at any rate, let my story be a warning to those with an affinity for farting in their partner’s mouth. Relationships have ended over far less.

  4. I really thought I could just stay out of this one. But who am I to judge? After all, the build up of noxious gasses and fluids in the human intestines and bowels is a concern for all of us, especially when we begin to have trouble discerning the difference between said fluids and gasses. You can guess the direction of this “confession.” My worst “FART STORY” relates to the first time I WET FARTED away from home without an available change of clothes. That can scar a gentle soul like myself forever!

    • Kimberly Eclipse says:

      Eww! Okay, you win. So are wet farts what I have to look forward to in my 60′s? And is cleaning up after your wet farts what I have to look forward to in my 40′s??

  5. KMD says:

    Hooooo boy. I might be coming up on some of your siblings (*coughcough*) in terms of outrageous farts, if I haven’t already surpassed it in some instances.

    Other than that, insightful piece as usual! Keep up your good work :)

  6. Brian says:

    I’m on the LIRR and have to fart right now. It’s kind of uncomfortable.

    • Kimberly Eclipse says:

      Hold it in and wait to unleash it until later tonight when I see you. I have a great idea for revenge — one that Sheryl from the comments below gave me — and I can’t wait to try it on you!

  7. Megan Gironda says:

    Lol! Well I will openly admit mine. I was meeting Anthony at a diner for dinner and he texted me with “I’m here.” I got all excited and ran outside from the diner lobby.

    Now at that time, I used to do this thing where I would dance and say “meda meda meda meda…HELLLOO!” (Yes I’m fucking weird)

    So I do my little Meda dance towards him and realize I had to let one rip. So I stop and let out a huge fart. Little did I know there was a couple standing right next to his car Starring at me!
    Anthony was DYING!

    • Kimberly Eclipse says:

      Ha! Hopefully they were too distracted by your “meda HELLO” dance to notice you break wind. But if not, hey — at least you made Anthony’s night!

  8. Sheryl says:

    So, my fiance and his family are very open about bodily functions. Farts, poop, belches – all a source of humour. He and I even joke that really good burps are “sexy”. But farts? Oh they can be evil.

    The best, and first, real fart experience that we had was early on in our relationship, I was sleeping over. In the middle of the night I woke up and thought that the apartment had been skunked it was so bad. We’d been drinking the night before, so the smell turned my stomach so badly that I had to leave the room. I slept for an hour on the bathroom floor to get away from that smell. We still don’t know whether it was him or the dog.

    Since then, I’ve gotten him back a couple of times. Including, uh, accidentally farting in his mouth, the once. It was hilarious.

    • Kimberly Eclipse says:

      NICE. Farters who make people sleep on bathroom floors deserve a high-five.

      And uh…accidentally farting in your man’s mouth? That is AWESOME. I’m not sure if I want to hear all the details of how that happened, but I’m pretty certain that I’ll have to try that on Brian. :)

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