Why Your Voice Should Be Shaking

You guys remember how I feel about always speaking your mind, right? Unless the timing, intentions, and the messenger are just right, I’m not a fan of it.

Admittedly, I’m a little biased. I also have an edge when it comes to verbal restraint. (Says the woman who talks about balls so often.)


First, I’m an introvert. Which basically means I prefer to understand, analyze and work through my inner freak show of feelings and thoughts before opening my mouth and subjecting others to it. (PS. You’re welcome.)

Second, I’m a therapist. So my favorite way of helping people is to be awesome at listening, reading between the lines, and occasionally saying (or asking) something important at just the right time and not any sooner.

But as a therapist I can also tell you that every so often the unedited truth must be told for one’s own emotional well-being, for the good of your loved ones, and for the good of the world.

Sometimes you MUST speak the truth, even if you are scared of how much life would change if you did. And sometimes the truth must be spoken because the only thing worse than taking that risk is how little life would change if you didn’t.

I love the quote above. In fact, I would say the more a particular truth makes your voice shake, the more important it is for you to say it. Because if your voice is shaking, it means what’s being shared is such a profound part of who you are you’d risk everything to honor it.

My voice shakes after I, or others, have been abused in some way and I express my hurt and anger about it. Anger makes my voice shake because I hate admitting when I feel that particular emotion, let alone express it in front of others. I’m always afraid my anger will spin out of control, that I’ll turn into She-Hulk, and that I’ll say something I can’t take back. I’m afraid of my anger. I’m afraid of hurting people. I’m afraid they’ll leave me.

But part of living a brave life is knowing when to say scary things out loud for the sake of achieving more balance and beauty in your own life and in our global community.

Am I brave enough to fight for my own emotional well-being? Am I brave enough to fight for the well-being of the people I love? Am I brave enough to protest global injustice and bring about lasting change for people I’ve never met? Sometimes. Not always.

But I do know that when I hear my own voice shake as I speak my truth, I am, in that moment, feeling brave enough to try.

Your Turn: What great truth was difficult for you to say out loud? How did doing so change your life, your community, or our world?


Sources: Photo 1 Photo 2

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6 Responses to Why Your Voice Should Be Shaking

  1. Pingback: Reader Poll Results: What Advice Would You Give To Your 10-Years-Younger Self? | a brave life

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  3. Anonymous says:

    Anger when not expressed turns to hate, and if hate remains in your heart, the only person that suffer more is ourselves. So now what can I do to become a better person and not a bitter one. Well, its easy said than done but definitely expressing it on the right time and letting go of the anger afterwards with the help of the divine is the best solution I can come up with. Anger is a poison that eats you up couple with unforgiveness. So if you want to stay healthy, stay away from those two “diablos”

    • Kimberly Eclipse says:

      So true! I’m learning that anger isn’t a bad emotion…until it leads to unforgivess. Like you said, you know your anger has become unhealthy when you become bitter, not better. The hard part is knowing how to deal with anger in a way that is helpful to situation, and ultimately healing to yourself. So tough! But yes, the divine, however one understand it, certainly helps!

  4. Sheryl says:

    “I’m always afraid my anger will spin out of control, that I’ll turn into She-Hulk, and that I’ll say something I can’t take back.”

    This is so often why I walk away from a situation when I’m angry rather than engage. I have that same She-Hulk fear, and feeling like she’s about to burst forth is a reason I tend to be quiet about things that piss me off, which doesn’t always go so well.

    • Kimberly Eclipse says:

      Yeah, I hear you. I think part of the problem is that we all need more practice responding appropriately when we feel angry, and we need good examples of what this looks like.

      It takes a lot for me to get angry in the first place and I have a high tolerance for things that typically annoy others. (I’m the calm voice of reason in the room or behind the wheel when everyone else is freaking out.) So I literally don’t have a lot of practice with expressing anger. On the rare occasion when I do feel mad at a person or situation, I usually don’t realize it or I suppress it; I try to convince myself that there’s nothing to be angry about, that I’m completely in the wrong, and that the other person is totally innocent. (Brian actually has to remind me “Yes, you have a right to be angry!”.) Because of my stunted growth in this area, when I do decide to express myself, She Hulk is all I know how to do.

      So while I think just leaving a heated situation is the appropriate, brave, and smart choice for some people (i.e., those who get themselves into trouble for being overly assertive or reactive), I actually think that in order for someone like me to evolve as a person, I need to do the opposite; I need stay in the room, recognize and accept my anger, and have it inspire me to express myself calmly and intelligently with others.

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